Do You Know The #1 Complication of Childbirth?
Most people are shocked to learn that the answer is Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs), an umbrella term used to refer to postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, pregnancy/postpartum OCD, PTSD, insomnia, postpartum psychosis, and postpartum bipolar.
Of course, we tend to hear more about postpartum depression than the others, but I think the word perinatal is particularly effective in relaying the time period when these mental health concerns may arise.
Perinatal refers to the entire pregnancy and the full year after childbirth. That's a long time, but I'd go as far as to say years 0-5 of baby's life are the most mentally challenging for mothers (and why I decided one-and-done was the way to go for me).
It’s important to know that the symptoms aren’t always clear cut. You may be feeling scattered, overwhelmed, tearful, disappointed, and a bunch of other emotions. You also may be having dark thoughts that seem unlike anything that would typically cross your mind. Some women describe them as vivid because they can imagine them so clearly, but they’re very disturbing in nature. We call these intrusive thoughts, and they’re a common symptom of postpartum OCD, but they can also occur as part of other PMADs.
If I'd had this information, you can bet I would've spent way more time on my postpartum plan than my birth plan, and I'd like to think I would've been more open to asking for and accepting help.
If you’re thinking “NO KIDDING!” and you’d like some support with your adjustment to motherhood, schedule a free consultation call, and we’ll see if we’re a good fit.
My #1 Tool for Staying Sane While Parenting
If you've been paying attention to me for any length of time, you've probably heard me rave about the Waking Up app. Just last week, I mentioned its life-changing impact on me, but today, I want to dive a bit deeper into how much it can do for you.
I like to call Waking Up the thinking person's meditation app because it goes above and beyond any other meditation tool out there with content on a broad range of topics featuring many different perspectives. It's also totally secular, a plus for those of us who avoid magical thinking.
✅ conversations on trauma-sensitive mindfulness
✅ the neuroscience of meditation
✅ loving kindness (metta) meditations
✅ meditations for children
✅ walking meditations
✅ mindful CBT lessons
and sooooo much more.
But what does a meditation app have to do with preparing for parenthood?!?
Well, I truly think the practice of mindfulness is the most effective coping skill any future (or current) parent can learn. I only wish I’d had this info way back when I was prepping for baby. I have no time machine, but if I can save you from suffering more than necessary, then I’m definitely going to try!
Motherhood is full of stress, worry about the future, and doubt about how you handled something in the past.
A tool that helps you stay in the present is priceless.
All we really have is the current moment, yet hanging out here for longer than a few seconds is naturally very hard for our brains.
(Prediction is the reason we're all here, after all.)
That's why we use the word practice. Mindfulness and meditation are not skills you ever fully master.
As you practice, you get better at accepting the fact that you are a work-in-progress. (I honestly can't think of a healthier goal for parents who are constantly feeling like they aren't good enough!)
When I first started using Waking Up when it launched in 2018, it was nowhere near as robust as it is today. I went through the introductory course, then advanced to daily 10-minute guided meditations, and now I'm meditating for 15 minutes most evenings, working my way up to 20 minutes.
But one of my favorite guided experiences is Kelly Boys's series on deep rest. Her voice soothes even the most anxious mind (🙋♀️) into a state of relaxation. Some nights my brain has a hard time quieting the tangle of thoughts around all the tasks I didn't get around to and worries about how much college is going to cost when my son graduates high school, so I just press play and let Kelly's voice gently lead me to dreamland.
Here's a free 30-day trial for you to take the app for a spin. This is NOT an affiliate link. I just love sharing helpful resources, and as a paying subscriber, I get to gift free months to anyone who may benefit.
Check it out and let me know what you think! Oh, and if you love it but can't afford it once your trial ends, request a scholarship.
If you've been meaning to learn to meditate but don't know where to start, or you've tried meditating and been frustrated by it, Waking Up may be just the solution!
Mindfulness Tips For New Mothers
The joy of spring break is upon us in my household.
That was sarcasm.
Gotta be honest with you, I don't love my son's week off from school because having my routine disrupted is stressful. Sure, I could've taken the week off, too, but I work from home, so it was manageable to both see clients virtually and keep reminding my son to take a break from his screen (which sums up about 97.8% of parenting when your kid is 12).
Although I'm DEFINITELY not as anxious as I used to be, it's always emotionally draining to have to task switch between parenting and work multiple times a day.
Adapting to the mental load of motherhood was one of the biggest challenges for me in years 0 to 5. But I think if I'd had the opportunity to practice effective and realistic coping skills, I wouldn't have struggled quite so much.
And that, my friend, is why I do what I do -- to save you years of agony. Ok, maybe that's a tad dramatic, but I really am passionate about helping new moms detach from their (and our culture's) unrealistic expectations and find more peace.
When you start practicing these skills during pregnancy, you set yourself up for a calmer and healthier postpartum.
Learning about mindful awareness has been the biggest game changer for me in my parenting, relationships, professional life, mental health, and honestly, existence in our very overstimulating and chaotic world.
(That isn't an affiliate link, by the way. I just want to share my love of this app with everyone I meet.)
If I'd known how to not react to every little feeling, fear, unexpected turn of events, and intrusive thought, my postpartum would have been so much easier. Not easy, easier. As I mentioned above, the emotional labor of momming is still really hard at times.
There were so many times when I could have reminded my sleep-deprived self that . . .
. . . you can do this one moment at a time.
. . . you can safely step away from your child for a second to take a few deep breaths.
. . . giving up breastfeeding isn't going to make your kid dumb.
. . . crying is part of baby's development and has NOTHING to do with your ability to mother.
I love that I can apply mindfulness to just about any stressor, and the more I practice it, the more I see how differently I show up for myself and how much more effectively I cope with situations that would've sent me into a panic years ago.
So, give mindfulness a try. Take the Waking Up app for a spin or google ‘mindfulness’ and do your own research.
Whatever you do, I encourage you to give some thought to how you’re coping with stress and consider what else you may need to add to your mental health toolkit before baby comes so you’re all set for the inevitable surprises and uncertainty.
Look out for next week’s blog post that dives deeper into the Waking Up app and why I love it so much.
The Most Important Baby Prep Info No One Talks About
Pregnancy and motherhood can be terrifying, and there's actually plenty to fear because there are very real risks.
BUT you don't have to allow these fears to consume you. You can learn to manage the anxiety and tolerate the distress that arises when you find yourself worrying about the unknown.
Parenthood is full of adventures in weighing risk vs. benefits, and that, my friend, is something worth preparing for.
I've been thinking about how very lucky we are to live in a time of amazing preventative steps we can take to manage risk during pregnancy and protect babies and mothers.
For example . . .
🚙 You aren't planning to crash your car with baby in tow, but I bet a carseat is one of the first items you started researching when you found out you were expecting.
😷 Even though you don't intend to hang out with folks suffering from whooping cough or the flu, you will follow your healthcare provider's advice to get immunized.
🛑 If you're anti-vax, you’re reading the wrong blog. 🛑
☀️You exercise, try to eat your veggies, and you're probably taking a prenatal vitamin.
But why don't we do more mental health prep? 🧐
(probably because the human brain is extremely uncomfortable with uncertainty, so we avoid sitting with it for very long, but that's another story for another email)
What does proactive mental health even look like?
There are plenty of resources to help you figure out the baby gear you actually need. My friend Patricia has a great Newborn Cheat Sheet for that. Simple and doable.
But what I do is help you prepare to cope with the challenges no one tells you about, such as . . .
✅ decision fatigue
✅ feelings of doom
✅ intrusive thoughts
✅ postpartum rage
✅ sensitivity to all the new stimuli
and the list goes on and on.
In other words, we'll lower your risk of perinatal mood + anxiety disorders (PMADs) using reality-based mindful coping tools and 0 bullshit.
❌manifesting
❌tarot
❌astrology
❌energy healing
Look, I'm not trying to yuck anyone's yum, but I'm probably not your person if you're into that stuff.
But if you're here for unsexy-and-boring-but-effective skills that actually work, that's my jam. 🤓
I'm very honest with moms-to-be. Not because I love fear-mongering, but because it's insulting to gloss over fears with dismissive "this is a natural and beautiful process" type of fluff. 🙄
Pregnancy and motherhood can be terrifying, and there's actually plenty to fear because there are very real risks.
BUT you don't have to allow these fears to consume you. You can learn to manage the anxiety and tolerate the distress that arises when you find yourself worrying about the unknown.
Parenthood is full of adventures in weighing risk vs. benefits, and that, my friend, is something worth preparing for.
Comment below with the #1 fear about becoming a mother that keeps you awake at night.
One more thing — educating yourself through trusted resources is a great way to cope with worry, so in case you missed it, my Mindful Mom-To-Be audio series is full of trusted info on getting mentally prepped for postpartum.
Can You Really Prepare for Parenthood?
Can you really prepare for parenthood? Yes and no. You certainly can’t prepare for everything, but you can prepare your coping toolbox for dealing with all the inevitable surprises.
Oh my goodness, have you listened to the Mindful Mom-To-Be free audio series?!?!? The response has been phenomenal, and I love knowing that so many expectant parents are accessing this vital information. If you haven't checked it out, subscribe here.
When you think baby prep, what's the first thing that comes to mind?
A minimalist but adorable nursery theme?
Snuggly blankets in pastel colors?
The safest m*ther effing carseat in the universe based on amazon reviews?
DIAPERS DIAPERS DIAPERS?
Well, yes, you will definitely be needing the diapers and a carseat, but there is no "best" anything when it comes to preparation.
There are, however, some high-impact strategies to implement during pregnancy in order to decrease your risk for PMADs (perinatal mood + anxiety disorders, commonly referred to as postpartum depression and/or anxiety).
Prepared doesn't mean nothing will go wrong. It just means you are mindful and realistic when it comes to expectations and where you should focus your energy.
How do you typically deal with stress?
Maybe you have some healthy coping skills already in place.
Some may be cognitive (or thought-based), such as:
not jumping to conclusions in your head
focusing on the present moment instead of worrying about the future
remembering how you've gotten through similar situations
Other ways you deal may be behavioral. For example:
going for a walk
listening to music
meditating
deep breathing
spending time with friends
watching a favorite show
I love getting laser focused on my clients' unique circumstances as well as the strengths they bring to the table.
Yes, you’re already doing so many helpful things!!!
We look at potentially problematic aspects of the situation, such as difficult family dynamics, lack of social support, history of anxiety, etc. and we face these concerns head on together, coming up with a plan that combines their existing strengths with some new skills and strategies.
They not only lower their risk of PMADs, but they walk away with the confidence and skills that will honestly serve them now and into their parenting future!
If you've listened to the series, then you're aware of the fact that we don't have control of very much when it comes to becoming a mother, but we can invest in the kind of support that resonates with our goals and values.
When women have support and their needs met, we all win!
Let me know what you think about the audio series! If you haven’t listened yet, get it now right in your favorite podcast player.